Awe geezes the Sun's coming up. We gotta hide. So, Gunky, Oooey, Gooey, Ooopy, Icky, Yucky, Grimey, Grungy, Dirty, Slimey & Nasty, slither around and under anything that reeks of darkness.
Hey Gunky, says Oooey, ya know I sure like these truck cabs there's all kinds of neat places where we can have fun. Yeah, Gunky says, and the food is absolutely scrumptious. Then Gooey pipes in saying "you guys don't know anything - the steering wheel is the best place, where you can always catch a free meal, or a ride to anywhere."
Ooopy not wanting to be left out - says, not me, I like greasy king restaurants. Why scoffs Gooey? Well, mostly because it's like a family reunion. Ya don't say, how'd that be yells Icky who's hanging from the gearshift knob. A perturbed Ooopy screams back, you idiot don't you ever want to become something better than just another slip-seater? Maybe you don't want nothing better for yourself, but I'm taking lessons from the neat guys that own their own restrooms?
Ya know, squeaks Yucky - if it weren't for these humanoids our pickings would be slim. Grimey follows up by shouting to all that'll listen - Yep, I'm just thankful to be hitchin a ride across this great land of tabletops, and coffee cups. Heck, everyone knows - no matter where humans are, there's always a free lunch.
Then as if everyone is reading from the same page - they say in unison - the trouble is they don't seem to appreciate our efforts, because just when we're getting to know them they get all sulled up. And, fer some dern reason they start getting all riled up. Yeah, so hoping to keep the peace we pretend not to hear them. Yeah, and when we least expect it, here they come to wash off the restaurant tables. You guys don't realize just how bad some of these monstrous humans can be. For example, they make us ride, without any extra benefits, with the same hazardous chemicals they spill all over the restrooms. I just can't figure what makes humans tick. Seems like there ought to be a law against the insults we have to endure. They pretend to like us. They invite us into their cabs, restrooms, and dining rooms. And, when we are just starting to get cozy they start using all those terrible chemicals and we have to flee for our lives. Oh well, and nevertheless we know it's dangerous being around them. But, then again, where else can we get fed like kings for just doing what comes natural? Fortunately, we are steadily becoming immune to those awful juices they slop all over the doorknobs, tabletops and floors. All I can say is - thank goodness, they seldom ever splash that stuff on the commode levers nor the wash basin handles. Ya know - if they really wanted to be friendlier you'd think they'd leave well enough alone. Heaven knows we like it just fine when they behave normal. But nope, just when we get a sense of security and an extra pinch of freedom here comes some more of those sprays and rags.
I don't care what you all think, says Nasty... I like the restrooms. Why's that, everyone says... 'cause there's no end to the possibilities. Just think about it... there's something new every moment. And if you tired of hanging out on a water faucet handle, no problem it won't be long till you can hitcha ride back to one of the urinals. Just look at me - I was trying to get back to the doorknob when I got trapped on this drivers fingers, so here I am stuck with you clowns. However, I'm not worried, he'll be going to another one of my favorite hangouts soon. Then I'll get to meet some nifty old heads.
Dirty - who's been listening decides it's his turn to speak. Ahhh... hey, say guys... you think you can't stand anymore problems, well here's some more great news. You may think that our lives are awful, but you have not seen anything yet. Just wait till you meet up with E.coli, Salmonella, Hepatitis or TB. These guys will make your adventures of daily life look tame. You really don't know how well off you are till one of these guys pays a visit and starts screaming and yelling to do this and do that. With looks of astonishment - they all say simultaneously - Why do we have to do anything they say? Because, they are the big fish and we're the small fry. You may be the big fish in your small ponds. But, fellas you ain't spit in their eyes. That may be, but if it wasn't for us, the big fish wouldn't have a place at the table. That's right! But we're not organized. We won't stand up for the other feller, instead it's only for ourselves. We like being independent, whereas the big fish have a strategic master plan where they scoop-up the biggest morsels due to our labor. That's just not fair? Maybe not, but until we can force the big fish to recognize our problems we're going to stay in the ruts. One thing for sure, if we're going to, we'd better start doing something, and soon, or forever be thankful for their leftovers.
Well, blurts Icky - you don't see me complaining, I don't have it so bad, in fact they treat me pretty good, I get some mighty big crumbs from time to time. Well, maybe you do, but the rest of us don't have it so wonderful? That's your problem, why should I get involved? Grungy then says: It's guys like you who make it rough on the rest of us. A mind-set like yours is hard for the rest of us to understand as we're being wiped away. Just remember, when they get tired of us they'll clean your table, as well as spray our homes, and trash us all.
After listening to all the gossip Slimey finally ooozes into the conversation - there's not room for all of us at the top. Some of us will always be at the bottom. So, when ambitions overtake inhibitions try to keep in mind who you're stepping on as you climb those prestigious steps of the corporate ladder. Plus, it might be wise to remember that when you're at the top you are very visible and thus vulnerable. For example, look at what happened to King Small Pox and Lord Polio. And, if you want further proof of what greed will get ya look at how Master Cancer got the humans to use DDT worldwide to kick Prince Malaria out of the highest seat. It almost made Malaria an endangered species. Fortunately, Malaria had powerful friends within the environmental community, and eventually got DDT banned. Consequently, if you don't want to get caught up in one of their power plays you'd better leave well enough alone. Well, that's not bad advice, but our friends at the EPA and OSHA won't let them threaten us! That's their job to protect us. True enough, but sacrifices are made once in a while. And, if you doubt what I'm saying just look at what AIDS is doing to Master Cancer. So, you'd better stop pointing the fingers and get back to the task of enjoying the freedoms we have.
Somehow, someway there's gotta be a way to have a little more recognition for all the hard work we do? You already have it says Nasty. The whole world depends upon us individuals every day. Ok, so we don't get the praise for a job well done. Nor, do we get a King's wages. But, we do have most of what we really need. So, it's not nearly as bad as we think it is. Besides, I never saw it written in stone or the sky that life is easy and safe. So, in conclusion, they all had to agree to the obvious concept of -- what's so bad about having the whole cake without the frosting?
Return to the Accu-Thump® Home Page
Created: 10/28/99
Last Rev: 09/25/2000